THINGS THE 90'S RUINED( EDDIE MURPHY'S "PARTY ALL THE TIME)

Cocaine’s a hell of a drug. I mention this, because well, we’ve all seen that Chappelle’s show episode, and I can’t help but imagine all of those shenanigans occurring during the period where Charlie Murphy’s brother thought he wanted a singing career too. Today what I have for you is a special edition of Things the 90’s Ruined. I say special because this particular piece of horrible art is from the eighties. Today’s TT9R, Eddie Murphy’s “Party all the Time.”

First thing first, two guys walk down the stairs in an urgent manner, as if anyone was in a rush to hear this pile. Cut to quintessential 80’s gems like zooming in on the soundboard, because why not? I mean seriously. Eddie Murphy turns out to be one of the stair people, and he enters a room and is quickly embraced by you guessed it, Rick Fucking James. Rick James’ hair looks kinda like a poodle took a shit and just laid in it, and Murphy has some art deco meets Cosby sweater.

Then it’s showtime. Murphy enters the “recording studio” while tons of people watch him through the glass, because it’s simply too cool. I actually almost feel bad for him once he starts singing. He seems genuinely giddy with excitement, and all of the band members are THRILLED to be alive. The song is so dynamic that even people in the recording booth are rocking out. I mean Rick James even has time to clap in unison while trying to produce the song. Quickly, what’s the white dude with a blazer only on doing rocking the fuck out? How much did they pay him to be in this wild menagerie? Also said white man has white pants on. Hey buddy, Winger called and they want their style back.

If the video isn’t awful enough, the song is quite perplexing, simply because the song itself exists. In the interim, Rick James is still “producing” the song, and he’s singing, and more and more people seem to be dancing in the room than before. The fashion in this video is a whole different scenario. Besides the white man who’s determined to have an outfit that looks like an oreo, theres a fella with a blue leather suit(also sans shirt), and then there's the woman with the big hair and yellow dress who somehow knows all the words to a song that is LITERALLY BEING RECORDED RIGHT THAT FUCKING SECOND! God seriously, I know it’s the eighties but goddamn this shit is bad. Just watch the video. People really seem overjoyed to be part of this. Eddie Murphy should take some acting lessons from these buffoons because they are selling the shit out of it. There’s a piano in the room, even though it’s not integral to the song at all. On second thought, I doubt any of these instruments are plugged in.

Seriously, Cocaine’s a hell of a drug. At this point Rick James is high fiving everyone, and Murphy is trying to dance. This is what boggles my already fragile mind. Eddie Murphy was so successful and on such a good role, that whoever commissioned this really believed in it. It reminds me of the making of the Star Wars prequel trilogy. At this point no one could tell him no. He had done so well with “Delirious,” “48 Hours,” and “Beverly Hills Cop,” so who would have known that the singing career would be anything but a massive success?

Then, like a mentally handicapped catfish scaring you, Mr. James jumps in and starts playing guitar and singing. First, who’s producing the song now, and secondly, why haven’t you just been playing the hole time. Thankfully, this signifies the end of this wretched video. Murphy would go on to record a whopping two more albums, but “Party all the Time” will always remain the musical equivalent of the heinous “Norbit.” Thanks for reading, see yall Wednesday!