THE STRANGE JOURNEY THAT LED TO THE "TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART" TRAINWRECK OF A VIDEO...

For many of us, whether we lived and aged up during the 80’s, there’s plenty of reasons to forget some of the “artistic” choices that permeated the decade with bad hair, poorly thought out  clothing choices, and perhaps most importantly when it comes to our topic of the day, videos that make little to no sense. This is where we get to the often maligned and mocked track “Total Eclipse of the Heart,”by the incomparable Bonnie Tyler. 


Because of the time period, of course the video opens up with a shot of a mansion where apparently all the lights are out because this cheap ass school can’t keep up with their electricity bills. You see, this is before the time of school shootings, when school administrators were more concerned with literal light than they were deaths. Alas, i digress, but this place is big, dark ,and at the moment the video opens, mostly empty, 


Now because they can’t pay their bills, the main room where this catastrophe happens is nearly only candles.  Just candles all over the damn place. What’s with all these rich people not being able to pay their bills? Meanwhile, Bonnie Tyler is standing up against a window and wind is swaying through the night. Then there’s a dove just flying through a door for some reason? I don’t know. Maybe the dove came to say “ This video is gonna suck,” but he couldn’t find anyone because its so dark, so he just flew around trying to warn everyone of the impending doom. He’s literally the Paul Revere of this video trying to warn us, 

Then Tyler is walking through all these hallways and she sees all the strapping young boys in school uniforms. They’re all giving her vacant, angry eyes, but why? Trust me, the answers are coming and they will shock you. But for real, they probably won’t shock you (No way you can get shocked in a house with no electricity) but when you realize what’s happening you’ll wonder why this video went the way it did. I have to just quickly add, ever since the movie “Old School” I can’t take the chorus seriously at all because all I keep thinking is “I fucking need you now tonight.”

hanks to the writers of that movie for giving this horrible 80’s anthem some much needed levity.
Getting back to the abandoned school this cat lady still lives in, in the course of 30 seconds there’s a boy wearing wings and tossing a dove(hopefully the doves acan find each other and get the fuck out), and more young men, who this time are shirtless though, and someone throwing water on them, and there’s fucking goddamn ninja’s just dancing around the room. It’s absolutely absurd in every way it can be.

The next section of this video that won nothing in the way of awards, shows Bonnie Tyler singing atop a staircase, and there’s light coming through the window. You have a school full of the ghosts of young men and there’s only electricity through this one window? How am I supposed to make a sandwich with one beam of light?

Now she’s running helplessly as all the doors just shoot open and we see all of the boys trashing the place. Why are they though? What deep dark secret is held within these walls that makes them start breaking stuff? After that, all the boys are now dressed in choir robes and have weird white eyes while they’re singing to Tyler. It’s one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen, and it still makes no sense.

This is where it gets really weird and drives right into sexual abuse town. She’s singing about never being wrong and how they’ll keep making it right(by, having intercourse I assume), and she’s surrounded by a whole bunch of sweaty teenagers. I’m pretty sure Bonnie Tyler abused these boys at this school. It might be a leap if you haven’t seen this video, but seriously, I watched this with three other people and we all came to the same conclusion. You think it’s over, but then this shirtless angel man envelops her in his wings and starts stroking her body with said wings. 
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After the lightning and bullshit we’re treated to a flashback of Ms. Tyler (that bitch ain’t got no husband) walking up to a group of students on a normal day at school. Yes, the same students we’ve been seeing the whole time. 

Then it becomes completely clear that she loved her students, but not in the way a teacher is supposed to. She had relations with these boys. Well, maybe not all of them, but the one with the glowing white eyes singing to her as they romantically hold hands as the video closes, you know he definitely got some lovin’. You can just tell by the look she gives him, which is vastly uncomfortable. 

The video ends with Tyler standing alone on the steps as the students try to learn something from a book and forget this crazy woman who loves her students. This video is a testament to how inappropriate some videos are, and how clearly people either didn’t put the pieces together, or they were in earnest trying to make a video about teachers sleeping with their students. Either way I hope you enjoyed this, and if you don’t believe it, just watch this wild ass video. Thanks for reading.

What are some videos that have aged poorly that you will never forget? Comment below! Follow us for more content at @thedeathofthemixtape on instagram, facebook and Spotify. Thanks for reading.